Knuckle v. Tongue Dragging
 
Republican politicians in D.C. imitate their leadership. Privileged yet martyred, intermittently principled, arrogant and unable. Democratic politicians ape themselves, too atomized and incoherent to efficiently gin up ironies. While the disastrous state of the U.S. Federal Government may be at Republican hands, we can also thank Democratic tongues. When complaining, as I have that the Republican Congress neglects its duty to oversee the executive branch, it is important to remember that the failure to challenge begins with the Democrats. A common complaint of Democratic politicians is that complex ideas don’t fit a soundbite. What doesn’t fit a soundbite is dissembling and God bless them, Democratic politicians are honest enough to place their caveats first. When you begin each point and every address with an apology, an assurance and an exception, it’s true, headlines fail to communicate your message there being no letters for silence nor static. Observe: “I am sorry to have to say this but while I support our brave men and women fighting for our nation under trying circumstance while not criticizing their dedication I regret that they are fighting for a lie while the Republican Congress aids and abets the administration’s cover-up.” I can’t attribute that quote to anyone but I’m pretty sure I just wrote an opening sentence for a John Kerry speech. Another common complaint is that the mainstream media portrays the party as having no program, plan or agenda. On this account and out of fairness, I must first quote the party’s only living and articulate elected member, Barak Obama: “They say Democrats don’t stand for anything. That’s patently untrue. We do stand for anything.” A party is out of touch when their whole platform slams from 100% negative to 100% utopian. We stand for universal healthcare, a living wage, fair trade not free trade, and taking government back from corporate interests. Notwithstanding the fact that I don’t believe an elected Democrat has ever put it that succinctly, made manifest it amounts to waitresses earning $100 per hour, paying 60% in taxes and buying sneakers at $1355 for the left one. Only hunter-gatherers ever accomplished this platform or will. Compare this with the platform of pro-life, traditional values, sending the illegal workers home behind secure borders and a war on terror. Absurdity, plausibility and grammar favor neither side and we voters may as well be choosing between unicorns and rocs. The principle heresy of the right is manicheism, the belief that equal Gods of good and evil strive for dominion. The Republican party knows who is evil, to wit, everyone who is not them. The Democrats differ. Their enemy is everyone who is not each of them. The Prattler Wordbook ELABORATE, adj. Bearing gargoyles on the gutters, spires on the rooftop and dust on the pews. ELABORATE, v. To negate. ELATE, v.t. To fail. ELBOW GREASE, n. Oratory. ELDERLY, adj. Frail from too many years or clauses. ELEATIC, adj. Believing that plurality, change and motion are illusory. Eleatic philosophy was proven against competing dogmas during recent campaign tours.
Saturday, July 1, 2006
From the collection of Richard Samuel West / Periodyssey.http://www.periodyssey.com/private/press.htmshapeimage_5_link_0