UBIQUITY, n.  The Availability of Cialis at half-off the regular price.

UDDER, n.  A bovine election.

UFO, n.  A transit for contact between religion and science.

UGLINESS, n.  The eye’s Scylla to the heart’s Charybdis.

Helen’s beauty launched one thousand ships.  Ugliness has launched millions since.

UGLY, adj.  As the mind of a beholder of beauty.

UGLY DUCKLING, n. A young ugly duck.

UH-HUH, int.  UH-UH, more or less.

UKULELE, n.  An instrument for the removal of romance from a tropical island.

ULCER, n.  The local expression of worldly success.

ULTERIOR, adj. Sincere.

ULTIMATE, adj. Final, as a lie or perfect as an excuse.

ULTIMATUM, n.  A post-dated formality.

ULTIMATELY, adv. Never

ULTRAISM, n. The dogma of idle philosophers and video game players.

ULTRAMODERN, adj. Obsolete.

UNAMERICAN, adj.  Indigenous.

UNDERSTANDING, adj.  Able and available to empathize with oneself among others.  This differs from SENSITIVITY, the ability to sympathize with oneself, in a manner neither the empathetic nor the sympathetic nor those who use such words in conversation would understand or honor in any case.  Tender-hearted Muttonheads!

UNITARIAN, n.  An empiricist who ponders the great mysteries of life such: as how many angels will fit on the head of a pin with a coffee urn, when we die do our souls go somewhere or remain with our bodies at the Justice Committee Meeting or wouldn’t it be great if it turned out Emerson was gay?

UNIVERSALIST, n.  A seeker of the reward reserved for the inclusive.

UNMANAGEABLE, adj.  Compliant.

UNSETTLED, adj.  The condition of every great question and petty respondent.

UNTO, prep. From behind.

UNTRUTH, n.  A molecule of philosophy, a grain of grandiloquence or a brick of statistics.

UNUSUAL, adj.  Like an unarmed lunatic.

UNVEIL, v.t.  To disappoint.

UNWHOLESOME, adj.  Expensive.

UNWITTING, adj.  Willing.

UNWRITTEN, adj.  Observed.

UPANISHADS, n.pl.  The Sanskritic origin of Californian provincialism.

UPBRAID, v.t..  To punish in public for a private similarity.

UPBRINGING, n.  The sacred goat feeding platitudes to mortals.

UPDATE, v.t.  To re-erase.

UPHEAVAL, n.  The revolution replacing the ancient pillars of a society with new storm cellars.

UPHOLD, n.  To prey in public.

UPPER CRUST, n.  Those slightly wealthier.

UPRIGHT, adj.  Hanging or ripe for it.

UPRISING, n.  The raising of a people by the raising of the scaffold.

Gather 'round children, from across the Earth

And hear of a sad war once mounted

For too many things are of too little worth

To be measured ere they can be counted.

Once a mendicant friar ruled over a fiefdom

That was built out of charcoal for roasting

Until the town trollop upended the chieftan

With the army that night she'd been hosting.

For the village's mule had dreamt of a galleon

Taking wind to an island of mares.

For in such a place, a mule could be a stallion

Still not virile, but in that land, who cares?

All might have gone well, for all but the ass,

And the future secure for the village.

But the chief praised the mule's ambition and class

And the tramp was incited to pillage.

Soon the village was burning, the friar was frying,

The mule chopped up and fricasseed.

All that remained were the dead and the dying

And the trollop for nomads in need.

So here, little children, is the lesson for learning

And remembering, wherever you wander,

Stick to the familiar and don't be caught yearning

For love that's found outside the brothel.

URBANITY, n.  The fashion of those who defy the conventions of vulgar neighbors.

USAGE, n.  The function to which a word or thing is misapplied.

USAGE, n. LINGUISTICS  The conventions that distinguish local speech from provincial dialect.