MACARONI, n.  An italian indelicacy which, had psychoanalysis been invented in Venice rather than Vienna, might have led to a world in thrall to elbow envy.

MAD, adj.  Fixated on anachronisms like eternity and evolution. 

MAGIC, n.  The evidence of the impossible trusted by a child hearing a fairy tale or an adult voting their conscience.

MAJESTY, n.  Personal fortune illuminated with collective envy.

MALADAPTIVE, adj. (Psych) Inconvenient.

MALEFACTOR, n.  An obstacle to craven ambition.  Greed, interrupted.

MALTHUS, THOMAS ROBERT  1766-1834; A British economist who predicted tribulation and upheaval from the stress of population growing faster than the pace of progress.  Modern economists have found the error in his calculations- progress is the superior strain.

MALTHUSIAN, adj.  Among family.

MALTHUSIASM, n. Darwinsomeness,  hobbesacrity, swiftapalooza, populism.  Thomas Robert Malthus was a 19th Century English economist and the second of eight children who, upon noting the prevalence of progeny in impoverished homes, cast his suspicion on Fibonacci, an Italian mathematician and likely rogue.  In order to prevent a catastrophe of violence and malnourishment, Malthus encouraged policymaking with an eye toward the barren deaths of poor and working people, reasoning that reducing the population of the poor would, ipso facto, reduce poverty generally as well as the number of criminals at a ratio of one to one, a reasonable conclusion that Marx would later reach regarding economists.  Malthus proposed infanticide, murder and prophylaxis be counted among virtues for which he is numbered among saints.   The controversy over Saint Malthus revolves principally around the matter of from which of the great religions he plagiarized his principle of selective salvation.

MAMMALIA, n.  The vermouth in a duckbill platypus.

MAN, n.  A species of tailless euglena.

MANIFESTO, n.  A plea for what never was to an audience that never is.

One night, upon a red barstool

A sot beside me called me fool,

And told me if I'd any sense

I'd keep my koala behind a fence

Instead of in my hair.

And a man in rags then said to me

That fashion is pure foppery,

Less is more and more is less

But only on the edifice

It takes meat to make a lair.

The bartender who replaced my drink

Asked me if I didn't think

Wisdom the cheapest currency.

"I think I'd pour the beer for free

For a mute with style."

Outside the bar a beggar sat

And offered me his upturned hat

And prodded me to flee the system

That makes men slaves and sharply pits 'em

on each other all the while.

I walked home through the cemetary

Where company is less contrary

For dead men never scorn the quick

Nor do they speak ill of the sick.

--Aristotle

MANNA, n.  Food as it once fell freely from the skies before it was synthesized in vats.

MANICHEISM, n.  An ancient religion which in the Roman Empire was once the prime competition to and blended with early Christianity. Requiring decisive choice, Manicheism is thought to be extinct. The debate among theologians as to whether this represents a victory or loss continues.

MARRIAGE, n.  A household organized to provide stability and moral example to stepchildren.

MARSHALL, v.i.  To gather to sunder.

MARTYR, n.  A political masterpiece.

MARVELOUS, adj.  Average or better and within earshot or lousy and within arm’s reach.

MATERIAL, adj.  In physics, composed of matter, having mass.  In politics, composed of suspicion, provoking outrage.

MAXIM, n.  A gift from the listless to the lost.

MAYONNAISE, n.  The edible part of a salmon.

ME, pn.  The least wasteful we.

MEANDER, v.i.  To follow the path of a pioneer or a civil engineer.

MEANINGFUL, adj.  Fully funded.

MEDIATE, v.t.  To distract from a provocation for example with a fatuous smile or a little umbrella.

MEDICINE, n.  Law, as practiced in a white coat.

MEEK, adj.  Down to one bullet.

MEEKNESS, n.  A king’s reluctance, a pauper’s repentance, the mask on an assassin, the tail on an ambitious dog and the satisfaction of a serpent.

MEET, v.t.  To disappoint.

MEETING, n.  An opportunity to speak over equals.

MEGADOSE, n. Economy-sized micronutrients.

MEGALITH, n.  The head of a head of state.

MEGALOMANIAC, n.  A pauper in private.

MEGALOPOLIS, n.  A series of small towns.

MEGAPHONE, n.  An electric mirror.

MEGIDDO, n..  The future site of the final battle between the legions good and the armies of evil, a convenience store and a Walmart.

MELANCHOLY, adj.  Stuck in an elevator with an amateur comedian, a sports enthusiast and a bride-to-be.

MELANIN, n.  The pigment before pixels.

MELBA TOAST, n.  Senatorial spine.

MELEE, n.  Twelve drummers drinking, eleven plumbers preening, ten lawyers laughing, nine ladies lecturing, eight maids gossiping, seven sinners smiling, six gamblers working, five golden calves, four calling cops, three french priests, two wild hares and a cubist painter with his brush poised.

MELLOW, adj.  Forgetful.

MELODRAMA, n.  A slow line.

MEMORIAL, n.  Corruption in bronze.

MERCHANT, n,  A thief whose victims choose the time, place and amount of their loss in exchange for goods, services and piety of equal or greater value.  The criminal culpable for the illegal immigration, outsourcing, price inflation, wage stagnation, mortgage crunch and cost of lunch connected with our shopping habits.  Merchants are best denounced wholesale as "corporations," as they are more avaricious in bulk.

MERCY, n.  The appreciation of the strong for the simplicity of the eager.

MESMERISM, n.  A suggestion bypassing reason on the way in and shame on the way out.  A pre-emptive memory lapse.

METAPHOR, n.  An elaborate supper for the allegorically obese.

METROPOLIS, n.  A gathering place for hermits.

MICRONAUTS, n.pl.  Metal toys with interchangeable parts made obsolete by electronic toys with interchangeable players.

MIDWESTERN, adj.  Able to judge corn by its silk and women by their denim.

MILKBONE, n.p.  The just reward for a lamb in wolf’s clothing.

MIRACLE, n.  An inexplicably salutary result such as a rational explanation.

MIRACULOUS, adj.  Pre-ordained and unforeseen, as marinara on fomalwear.

MIRROR, n.  The origin of every lie and misdirection.

MISANTHROPIC, adj.  Gregarious toward wind, stone and beast.

MISCREANT, n.  Someone who offers alcohol to children or love to the sound-minded.

MISOGYNY, n.  Boyhood.  Act I in a tragedy.

MINISTER, n.  A specialist in the universal.

MINOR, n.  Anyone not yet of a responsible age or their children.

MISS, v.t.  To pine for fanciful forests while mowing the lawn.  To appreciate from a safe distance.

MODESTY, n.  The pride of a king, majesty of a pauper and principle virtue of a critic.

Some days I'm weary

Most times I'm hungry

It's rare that I'm worried at all.

As long as I sit here,

Not up on that cross,

I don't have too far to fall.

For the last shall be first,

The first shall be last

And the cow shall break free from her stanchion.

When looking for martyrs,

Those who suffer by man,

In modernity, search in a mansion.

Be calm, modern magi,

O, wisest of men,

O, scholar! astronomer! preacher!

In the last days of reversal,

Prophesied long ago,

It's right Joe Scarborough's a teacher

MOLECULE, n.  The largest form of matter able to pass a gossip undetected.

MOLLYCODDLE, v.t.  To treat the other neighbor as we would be treated.

MOLOTOV COCKTAIL, n.  An improvised balm.

MONARCH, n.  First pretender to the throne.

MONARCHICAL GOVERNMENT, n.  A regime built on the principle that a single leader, if anointed by birth, defended by the strong and counseled by the learned, can support the local demand for folly.

MONDAY, n.  The day of the week on which work begins and ambition ends.

MONKEY, n.  A lesser, or average, primate.  Analog Man.

MONOLOGUE, n.  An element of political discourse that forms a salt in outrage.

MONUMENT, n.  A chunk of stone or metal chosen to durably recall achievement and dependably forget motive.

MORAL, adj.  Bearing a nobility sufficient for acquittal.

MORNING, n.  The lifecycle of Homo Agendus.

MORROW, n.  April 7, 1897, the day after this word was last used.

MORTALITY, n.  The inspiration for lane-changing, bird-flipping, fellow-shoving, clock watching, speeding, sulking and line-cutting.  That which impels us to an early arrival.

MOTIVE, n.  The first fabrication in a simple explanation.

MOTHER’S DAY, n.  An annual reminder to honor thy florist.

MOUTH, n.  A conduit for the blessings of food, poetry and bile.

MUGWUMP, n.  The sound of a dream dancing with destiny.

MULTILINGUAL, adj.  Possessed by more than one tongue.

MYTH, n.  Prior knowledge.

MYTHOLOGY, n.  Pantheistic spin substituting satyrs and unicorns for moral courage and accomplishment.