LABOR, n.  The nobler alternative to work.

LACE, n.  A delicate, transparent and interstitial cloth meant to represent the uprightness and sophistication of the wearer, bearer or bride. a service to which it is well matched.

LADEN, adj.  Anticipating a burden.

LAG, v.i.  To stay even with the boss.

LAGGARD, n.  A visionary.

LAGOMORPH, n. (Zool.)  An egg-laying, briar-dwelling, tar-sculpting laggard.

LAIC, adj.  Ordained for future setting aside.

LAID-BACK, adj.  Inspired by a municipal muse.

LAISSEZ FAIRE, n.  The theory under which the poor do not envy the rich and the fox forgoes eggs for daisies.

LAITY, n.  Those awaiting the second seminary.

LAKE, n..  A freshwater reservoir larger than a pond and smaller than an environmentalist.

LAMA, n.  A pagan priest.

LAMAZE, n.  A discipline in which women control their breathing and tension prior to childbirth.

LAMB, n.  A baby dragon.

LAMB OF GOD, n.  The inspiration for the lions of government.

LAMBASTE, v.t.  To remind.

LAME, adj.  Two drinks less than profound.  Of or related to weekend blogging.  Prattleish.

LAND, v.i.  To transfer from an ocean-faring or sky-cruising conveyance filled with pestilence to a to a terrestrial station full of hope.

LAST, n.  In loaf, loafer and life, the heel.

LATER, adj.  When all important things are things will be done because people won’t be so busy.

LAUGHTER, n.  The sword of a bore, the dagger in a lover’s hand or the horn of a hippopotamus.  “Eureka,” at the discovery of fool’s gold.

A stranger laughed beneath my wall

So I asked him tell his story

He said he'd taken Adam's fall

And that same path to glory

"My pride, it got the best of me

and my wisdom left me dry

Moved by curiosity,

I took to drink, wander and lie.

"I've lost my home and my direction

My job, my love, my bearing.

Where my fist once held insurrection

It's empty now of all but caring.

"The Earth's a swamp and I am mired

No rope to climb nor room to wiggle."

"Then why do you laugh?" I inquired.

"Because otherwise, I'd giggle." 

-Hashan

LAW, n.  The scaffold on which the hypocrite stands in judgement above the coward seeking shelter as the neighbor dangles between.

When hominids first organized

And sought superiority to apes,

They learned to write, ennobling lies,

And made wine from sour grapes.

They began to sculpt and rhyme and draw,

To replace lost hair with religion.

Finally man created law

To keep down competition.

-Malathuselah

LAWFUL, adj.  Compliant with the law, as adultery under the second commandment or warrantless searches under the second amendment.

LAWYER, n.  A priest to the godless, advisor to the deranged, treasurer to the bankrupt and constant companion of the unfaithful. Both the doctor and the lawyer can trace their profession to ancient barbers; in the lawyer's case, John the Baptist's.

LAZINESS, n.  The virtue by which physicians do no harm, judges reduce crime and manager’s improve output.

LEADERSHIP, n.  The maintenance of martyrdom.

The waves, they rose high,

The fog settled low

And a reef was scratching the keel

When the old Captain

Put down his pipe

And set back the remains of his meal.

"The voyage goes badly!"

The old captain bellowed,

"By mornin', this ship will be lumber.

"The compass is off,

The map is misplaced,

And the cabin boy couldn't be dumber."

"The cargo is poor

And we would be off course,

If our course, in the first place, were known.

The food has run thin

The water's grown thick

And the sails are too torn to be blown.

"The crewmen are drunk,

The officers, addled,

And if I'm once more to see Dover

Two choices I have:

Abandon the ship

Or mutiny and take her over."

LEAGUE, n.  An association that is born from a common challenge, survives by mutual frustration and finally proves that the causes of misery also love company.  The natural form is called committee, the synthetic variation is conjugation and in my the league is represented by the toothsome monster, Conspiracy.  Each version causes floods and riots, usually.

LEARNING, n.  An ancestor of opinion remembered fondly if not well.

LEAVENING, n.  A substance used to make baked goods expand through the formation of gas, such as yeast or campaign contributions.

LECTURER, n.  A miraculous composer who distills decades of study into a one minute libretto with 49 minutes of melody. The lecturer provides accompaniment to modern opera performed on Gameboy, Instant Messager and portable computer.

LEISURE, n.  That insubstantial substance which coffee-house philosophers lament the loss of.

LENT, n.  The Holy season observed by the repentance from sin and the affliction of neighbors.

To the faithful, strength; to the hopeful, patience; and to the unsaved may the LORD bless you with deafness.

-Lenten prayer

LETHE, p.n.  According to Dante, the river dividing Purgatory from Terrestrial Paradise. Manhattanites claim to have identified this as the Harlem although the consensus in the Quad Cities has the Mississippi.

LETTUCE, n.  A frail cabbage of little worth lacking the substance of slaw.  Also, a commendable head.

LEVELER, n.  Wisdom.

LEVIATHAN, n.  The monster in whose belly the prophet Jonah agreed to a time-share in Ninevah.

LIAR, n.  An expert in oration while on another topic.

LIBERAL, adj.  Committed to the proposition that all men and women are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable traits and that among these are asexuality, dispossession and atheism.

LIGHTHOUSE, A spinning state-owned source of illumination with a narrow beam valued mainly by those at sea.  An ancestor of the modern Department of Homeland Security.

LIMERICIST, n.  A poet with hooves for feet.

LINE, n.  The shortest path from a leer to a slap.

LITIGANT, n.  See CITIZEN

LITIGATION, n.  The civil process for amending injustice, by adding scope and reliability.

LIVE FREE, v.i.  To elect one’s slaveholder.

LIVER, n.  A larval dier.

LOBBYIST, n.  In Washington, a corrupter of government and subverter of democracy belonging to the middle rank.

LOCK AND KEY, n.  The solution to the problem of privacy in an urbanizing world, leading to the picked lock and lost key and lost pick,

LONGEVITY, n.  Greatness cut short.

LORE, n.  The expanding canon of ancient wisdom and old jokes with new meanings.

LOW-BRED, adj.  Lacking the sophistication of someone who mistakes the man of the house for their father.

LUMINARY, n.  Someone holding a special knowledge with which to enlighten society such as a former candidate, neighbor, drunkard or howling tomcat.

LUNARIAN, n.  One who subsists on moonlight, a popular diet in Hollywood, Beverly Hills and the fashionable circles of large cities throughout the West. Adherents can be identified because they are thinnest when the moon is new. Movies are generally filmed on moonless nights, not, as some have surmised, to avoid harsh shadows but to reap them.

LUTHERAN, adj.  Able to recite the Brief Order for Confession, Small Catechism and the Powdermilk Biscuits song.

LYRE, n.  Accompaniment and homophone for a lyric poet.