KANGAROO, n.  A reverse pachyderm of the Southern hemisphere designed to demonstrate the coriolis effect.  The kangaroo demonstrates the intelligent hand behind the origin of species, as had it evolved in Kansas rather than Australia, the kangaroo would likely have specialized in politics rather than pugilism.

KANSAS, n.  A land where fish never grew legs, humans never learned reason and monkeys have wings.

KAPUT, adj.  One day too determined.

KARATE, n.  An efficient medium for dialogue.

KARMA, n. The mechanism by which a random act of kindness leaves lipstick on the collar.

KASHMIR, n.  A holy land of warring pieties.

KAYAK, n.  A swiftboat needing only one paddle.

KEEL, n.  A submerged spouse.

KEEL-HAUL, v.t. To vote one’s conscience at sea.

KEEN, adj. Coarse.

KEENNESS, n. The narrow quality at the edge of a blade or breadth in a journalist.

KEEP, v.t.  To collect, as boxes, and maintain, as shelving.  To bury above ground and worship subconsciously.  To receive, retrieve and rethieve.

KEEPER, n.  One worth keeping or one who keeps.  The morning’s plague while still asleep.

KEEPSAKE, n.  Clay or cloth meant to outlast thought.

KEG, n.  The smallest unit of education.

KELP, n.  A side order with surfer.

KELPIE, n.  A spirit that turns into a horse to drown Celts who turn in to a bar to dry out.

KEMPT, adj.  Homosexual.

KENNEL, n.  The master’s keep.

KENTUCKY, n.  A land of blue grass, green river and yellow eyes.

KENTUCKY DERBY, n..  An unusual sporting event in that the athletes are mounted by midgets rather than imps.

KEPT, n.  A vessel for yesterday’s grape and tomorrow’s seed.

KERYGMA, n.  A homily on humility delivered from an altar of Greek..

KEY, n.  A substitute for the pick.

KEYNOTE SPEECH, n.  A plenary irrelevancy.  The central tangent.

KEYSTONE KOPS, n. pl.  Hollywood’s image of incompetent law-enforcement.  Courts of law in Germany and Italy have recently added another.

KGB, n.  The Soviet Union’s secret police.  The KGB became obsolete in the transition to democratic rule in that it was named.

KEYNESIAN, adj.  Restricting government consumption to the gluttony of the people.

KIBBLE, v.t.  To lightly address great and weighty matters of a generation such as the translation of the national anthem, the abridgement of the pledge of allegiance, or the fugitive status of a bimbo.  To address these matters solemnly is to LEAD.

KILL, v.t.  To provide a satisying answer to the question “why?”

KILT, n.  A skirt worn by men to display tribal pride.

KINDNESS, n.  The muse of troubled conscience.

KING, n.  A male sovereign who’s divine right and funny-looking ears share a source.  See DONKEY.

KING’S EVIL, n.  An illness, the remedy for which was the touch of the sovereign, which is now identified as the bacillus of poverty and sloth.

KISS, n.  A broken promise to the better self.

KLEPTOMANIAC, n.  A revealed member of the Tribe of Adam.

KNIGHT, n.  A bygone hero who defended the honor of maidens, the safety of the homeland and the ambitions of his faith while in a mask and robbed, murdered and debauched in everyday clothes.

KORAN, n.  A scripture the adherents to which claim is a message of peace frmo the divine but may confess advocates violence under extreme duress.

KRISHNA, n.  An ox-herder who was born a deity and conquered demons to become a prince of men.  This remains the standard political biography, except that in modernity the demons are consulted instead.