GADABOUT, n.  A mobile mayor.

GALLANT, adj.  Short-sighted.

GALLOWS, n.  A public platform for the punishment of criminals and the entertainment of their co-conspirators. The gallows lost popularity in favor of rehabilitation which uses recyclable material and makes better television.

GAMBLER, n.  Someone who sacrifices a steady income for the hope of heaven.

GAMBLING, n.  Forgoing a chance.

GANESHA, n.p.  A Hindu deity with the body of a man and the head of an elephant missing one tusk which was used to write the Mabharata epic.  In the histories of humanity, a deity of average likelihood.

GARGOYLE, n.  Architectural evidence that the most pious and devout Christians sought protection from pagans.  The medieval overhead powerpoint projection.

GASBAG, n.  An occidental guru.

GASEOUS, n.  Rarified as carbon dioxide in the atmosphere or wisdom in a speech, produced by heat and illuminated in the pocket.  

GASTROLITH, n.  Research.

GASWORKS, n.  A forum for news and information..

GATEWAY, n.  The alternative to fence-jumping used intentionally by cattle and compulsively by commentators.

GATHER, v.t.  To steal.

GATHER, v.i.  To join to divide.

GATHERING, n.  An assembly at which songs are sung, food shared, spouses swapped and virtue proclaimed.

GATOR, n. A pundit content to be seen in the swamp.

GEESE, n. pl.  Cartographers of North and South, Poets of letter “V”, attributed to silliness their fine simplicity- Walela

GENERALLY, adv.  Anecdotally, hypothetically, with no direct experience whatsoever of.

GENERATIONAL, adj.  Ambirrelevant.

GENEROUS, adj.  Willing to consider that a person of differing opinions may have received their beliefs from some source other than Satan, or, at least that they may have been tricked.

GENESIS, n.  The infallible account of falsehood, flaw, frailty and the fall.

GENIUS, n.  An individual of exceptional creativity, intellect or wit as judged by peers.

GENTEEL, adj.  Polite, particular and patient like a cannibal in a health food store.

GENUFLECTION, n.  A pious pose from which to reverently contemplate crime, commerce, conspiracy or catastrophe.

GENUINE, adj.  Authentic as may be certified by a friend of a friend or the guy at the bar.

GEOGRAPHER, n.  In the contemporary United States, someone who knows there are fifty states, can find some of them on a map, and knows the capitol of their own. typically, a foreigner on the cusp of naturalization.

GEOLOGY, n.  The chosen science of interest to shy scientists, literature students and the ox in the field. Psychiatry of stones. The study of the inanimate by the barely.

GERMAN, n.  The language used for writing Ode to Joy, proclaiming the reformation and smoking ham.

GERRYMANDER, v.t.  To elect one’s representeds.

GESTATE, v.i.  To nurture, as an affliction.

GESTURE, n.  A flail of the extremities, contortion of the face or shimmy of the spine in defense of a daydream or concealing a yawn.

GET, v.t..  To steal.

GETHSEMANE, n.  The forebear of fifty state capitols.

GEW GAW, n. A bauble such as a bobble head doll or suffrage.

GHOST, n.  An entity beyond death, rich in spirit and poor in flesh.  Halloween’s congressperson.

GHOUL, n.  See TEXAN

GIFT, v.t.  To take a toy from a toy store for children for breaking.

GILT, v.t.  To remember.

GIMCRACKERY, n.  Journalism.

GIMLET-EYED, adj.  Articulate.

GIMMICK, n.  An infant failure.

GIN, n. A distillate of philosophy.

GINGERBREAD, v.t.  The architectural substance of witches’ homes, children’s dreams and the cookie of the purpose-driven life.

GIRAFFE, n.  A sagging koala.

GIRD, v.t.  To prepare for an assault and prepare oneself for an ambush.

GIRDLE, v.t.. A suction-free liposuction.

GIRTH, n. The measure of character.  

GIST, n. My point, exactly.

GIVE, v.t. To provide, as an invoice.

GIVEN, adj. Guessed.

GLACIATE, v.i.  To plan.

GLADLY, adv.  In the manner of someone who appreciates a cause but not its purpose.

GLOOM, n.  The state preceding disappointment.

GLORY, n.  The grandeur awaiting the petty.

GLUTTON, n.  A farm subsidy program with teeth.

GNOSIS, n.  The wisdom of the over-educated.

GNOSTICISM, n. A philosophy too heretical to be a religion.

GO, v.i.  To redisplace.

GOAD, v.t.  To encourage with malice.

GOAL, n.  The portion of a soccer field in which nothing happens.

GOAT, n.  A bearded and sincere mammal.

GOATISH, adj.  Lecherous, restless and sinister, as a goat.

GOB, v.t.  Any shapeless, oily and typically repugnant mass that doesn’t host Lou Dobbs Tonight.

GOBBLE, v.i.  To intone incantations to a feathered deity.

GOBLIN, n.  Neighbor.

GODCHILD, n.  A liability in escrow.

GODLY, adj.  Graceless.

GOG AND MAGOG, adj.  The prophesied enemies of the Kingdom of God, often cited by pretenders to the throne.

GO-GETTER, n.  A yes-man in the eyes of no men.

GOGGLE-EYED, adj..  Journalistic.

GOLD, n.  A precious metal valued for its beauty, ductility and the ease with which it is gilded.

GOLGOTHA, n. “The place of the skull.”  This lexicographer suggests to his long-dead Hebrew counterparts that “A place of the skull” would have been more appropriate.

GOOD, adj.  Opaque as to motive.

GOOSE, n.  A motivation made popular by the banning of all lesser offenses against employees.

GOVERNMENT, n.  The social skyship, canvassed in liberty stitched together with the collective will to interfere, inflated with the aspirations of each to exceed all and built to carry a small party with no map.

GOVERNOR, n.  A leader seated to inspire a reluctant and indecisive legislature.

GRACES, n.  Begging the pardon of someone not privileged to grant it.

GRAMMAR, n.  A system for the organization and selection of words empowering followers to baffle like royalty.

GRASS, n. (sing. or pl.) The beneficiary of human endeavor and the meditations of dogs.

To tall grass, the zebra comes to flourish

And find comfort, kin, counsel and nourish

Where the lion seeks her camouflage,

Contemplation and catered homage.

As to which animal is the wiser:

The grass knows each to make smart fertilizer.

-Saint Augustine of Abyssinia

GRASSHOPPER, n.  An apprentice stereotype.

GRATEFUL, n.  In the first flush of incipient resentment.

The calendar dictates that now is the time

To give thanks for life and its boons,

Such as clemency granted for some of our crimes,

And to pray that the others aren't discovered soon.

With family and friends, of whom we've spoken ill,

We gather at the table over bottle and hymn.

In fellowship, fondness, with pie on the sill,

We rejoice at the levity of the old hangman's limb.

For though we be rats, shrews, groundhogs or moles;

In our conduct, craven, cowardly and foul;

The aroma of yams now filling our holes

Blinds us to the shadow that's cast by the owl.

Just because we're petty, jealous and hateful

Doesn't have to mean we're ungrateful.

So tomorrow, give thanks for the good things you've found

Among all those you coveted all year around.

GRATITUDE, n.  The foam shed by a wave at the tidal end of an ocean of gravy.

GRAVITY, n.  That which compels the flying to fall, the floating to sink and the high-minded to speak.

GROAN, n.  Punditry by other means.

GROUSE, v.i.  To magnify miniscule ills for the greater good.

GUARDIAN, n.  A traitor in training.

GUILLOTINE, n.  A ruthless, efficient and democratic alternative to the electoral college or parliamentary procedure, although still far too kind.

A duke, despot, pasha or clown

Might well lose a head to the town.

But however truncated,

Tyranny's unabated,

Lost on the scaffold, found on the ground.

-Marat

GUILT, n.  The hammer, anvil and forge meant to shape a shoe already on the hoof and in the lea.

GULL, n.  Root of the word GULLIBLE, although hardly the only one.

GULLET, n.  A grave for wheat and worm and the cradle of complaint.

GUM, n.  The vulgar term for the gingiva which restrain the tongue and sheath the teeth, enabling organizaed religionn.

GUNPOWDER, n.  The aspirations of men in dried and powdered form.