FAIRNESS, n.  Death for the idle and confusion for the busy.

A young firefly (born in July)

Was granted license to glow

By the Commission on Chemical Emission

And the Department of Flit To and Fro.

But a court of some sort

In the mason jar found

That his reason, this season,

For glowing and flying around

Was illumination of a child's education

Via books from the library sneaked out.

The residing presiding

Found no reason to bless,

And concluded, it's prudent

To illuminate less.

The glowworm was informed

Of the judges decision

By the aphids up under the lid.

And scolded with derision,

As the lightnin' bug nervously peeked out.

But the firefly, I don't know why,

Believed in both glowing and booking.

And shined, half the times

When he thought no one was looking.

Well the child went wild.

The rotten bug that he'd caught by the road

Hid his light half the night

And got fed to the toad.

Compromise is a myth when a child is freaked out.

FAIRY, n.  An electronic voter.

FAITH, n.  The suppression of knowledge, sense and reason in deference to the wisdom of a thief.

FALSEHOOD, n.  An unjust allegation by me enemy who has a tail.

FAMILY, n.  The frame on which plans are stretched.

FAMOUS, adj.  Inspiring the idle many.

FANATIC, n.  Anyone who follows a leader as if he were God, takes up a cause as if it were Earth or argues with Me.

FARCE, n.  The sincerity of a stranger, the ambitions of a neighbor or the daring done by a dreamer in the eyes of his dog.

FASHION, n.  The muse of elective surgery.

FATE, n.  A stone with many midwives.

FATIGUE, n.  The substance of things intended, the evidence of things undone.

FAULT, n.  The central feature of California’s geology, absent from her demography.

FAUNA, n.pl.  A dietary alternative to virtue.

FEAST, n.  A lush path to desert, as the stomach is the way to a man’s heart.

FECKLESS, adj.  Thoughtful.

FEDERAL, adj.  United by peerage into a single disagreement.

FEDERALIST, adj.  Committed to the principle that the government closest to the people burgles best.

FEED, v.t..  To nourish, as with a coupon.

FEET, n.pl. A means of conveyance in poetry and peril, as the hands are in politics or the mouth in religion.

FEIGN,  v.i.  To deceive by insincerity, as by concealing an outrage with an expression of outrage.

FELINITY, n.  The gratitude of a predator.

FELL, adj.  Cheating, as among gamers.

FELL, v.t. To horizontally erect.

FELON, n.  A member of the legal laity whose actions transgress morality such as a slaveholder in the 20th century, an abolitionist of the 19th or an employer in the 21st.  A dayworker, dawnbat or nightsenator.

FELLOW, adj. Arm-to-arm and hand-in-pocket.  

FELLOWSHIP, n. A collection of conspiracies.

FELLOW TRAVELER, n.  A brother at sea, a comrade on the road or an acquaintance at the casino.

FELONIOUS, adj. Murderous on a fair day or impertinent on a foul one.

FELONY, n.  Akin to a misdemeanor unrelated to judge.

FELT, n.  A beaver in the desert.

FEMININE, adj.  Wise, all-knowing, and reasonable with a skillet.

FEMINISM, adj.  The theory that gender is an arbitrary artifice explaining everything at length.

FENCE, n.  That which makes for good voyeurs.

FENCE, v.t.  To sell the wares from the neighbor’s yard.

FENCER, n.  An agreeable assailant.

FENDER, n.  The part of a car the steering column and brakes were added to protect.

FENESTRATED, adj.  Having windows or apertures, like a veil or mask.

FERAL, adj.  Civilized at night.

FERMENT, n.  The state of society just before payday.

FERMENT, v.i.  To refine decay.

FERMENTATION, n..  The process by which the wholesome becomes desirable without banning.

FICKLENESS, n.  The collusion between an otter’s spirit, a cat’s heart and the imagination of man.

FIEND,  n.  A criminal of unspeakable evil and unobservable malfeasance.

FILIAL, adj.  In a concentration of love, hate, scorn, frustration, impatience, envy, admiration, expectation, condescension, confidence, exaltation, mistrust, misunderstanding, disappointment, disdain and dyspepsia superior to fraternal and inferior to parental.

FINANCE, n.  The debt of an expert.  The coins that cover lees in the bottom of a styrofoam cup.

FINIS, int.  An incantation for summoning critics.

FIRST PRINCIPAL, n.  An afterthought

How do we measure an idea?

By whether it makes you wiser or freer?

By echoes rung from mumbling lips?

By boats afloat on questing trips?

By whether it can start a war?

By poetry and metaphor?

By destruction of our walls and fences,

Or inflation of pretenses?

By orators who take up the cause

And promulgation of new laws?

By if it gives your spirit wings

Or your pocket cash to spend on things?

Whatever thought quickens your blood,

If it gets through Congress, it's a dud.

FISCAL, adj.  Pertaining to theft.

FIST, n.  The other way to a man’s heart.

FLAME, n.  The more tenable object of a young man’s fancy.

FLESH, n.  The food of the spirit and endeavor, each of which is learning considerable restraint.

FLIRTATION, n.  A harmless diversion with tragic consequences.

FLY-SWATTER, n.  A cousin of the cricket bat smaller in size but more entertaining.

FOE, n.  To a fool a friend, to a politician a fiction and to the clever among us themselves.  The nearest companion.

FOG, n.  Nature’s talking point.

FOOL, n.  Anyone who enters politics as a voter, finance as an investor or a casino to bet.

FOOLHARDY, adj.  Formerly or not yet brilliant.

FOOTPRINTS, n. pl.  The evidence of the presence of the absent.

FORBIDDEN, p.p.  Found complex by the simple, gay by the sober, unjust by the nervous or alive by the noble.

Forbidden fruit, you’ll know, my son,

By the pips you spit out once you’ve done.

            -Seth

FORCE, n.  Along with poetry, beauty and law, one of four pillars upholding the temple of vanity, roofless.

FORGETFULNESS, n.  Gratitude.

FORGIVENESS, n.  A brave face surrounding a simpering tongue.

FORESHADOWING, n.  The card hidden in an author’s sleeve, useful only if it’s a deuce of the wrong suit.

FOUNDLING, n.  The product of ex-vivo fertilization.

FOUR, adj. and n.  The minimum party required for silence.

FRACTION, n. The people.

FRANCHISE, n.  A freedom bequeathed in exchange for duty.

FRANK, adj.  Alone and asleep or artful and armed.

FRANKLY, adv.  In the manner of someone with no secret but their purpose.

FRATERNAL, adj.  Honoring the kinship of betters, strangers or thieves.

FRAUD, n.  The substitution of perfume on the neck for a head.

FRAUGHT, adj. Caught

FREEDOM, n.  An idol whose temple is government, whose worship is law, and whose gift is irony.

FREEMASONS, n.  One of the countless cabals, collusions and conspiracies usurping the right of the unaffiliated to enjoy majority rule.

FREE-SCHOOL, n.  The essential institution of a democratic society where young tyrants study under the authority of older ones.

FREE THINKER, n.  A maverick who having navigated an unmarked path by constellations named in the journey and driven onward by independent will and fierce curiosity has come at last to the party line. A Valedictorian reading "The Road Less Traveled" to the assembly.

FREE TRADE, n.  A policy protecting the sovereignty of the milk-pail from the tyranny of cows.

A patriot rose from his good lunch,

And denounced to the crowd at the diner,

The foreign tortilla, the alien waiter

And the sauce made from a Peruvian minor.

The crowd rose up and roared with approval

Then returned to the bread and the feast

While the wheat might come from overseas

Our brothers are there in the yeast.

-Dobbsie

FRESHMAN, n.  In American colleges, a dewy-eyed innocent.  In High School, a jaded lover and recovering alcoholic

FRIEDMAN, MILTON (1912-2006( An American economist who dedicated a lifetime to nagging the world with principles of Laissez-Faire.

FRIEND, n.  Someone on whom we rely to trust when we lie, uphold when we fail and pay interest when we steal. Someone who offers us folly when we pursue crime, a complementary partner in error.

FRIENDLESS, adj.  Without sin or stone.

FRIENDSHIP, n.  An alliance joined against a former friend.

 

In haste I fled my lover’s ire

With broken fingers and my cat on fire

Into a bar where they could douse

The flames devouring my former house.

There I met a man who understood

Innocence suffer at the hands of good.

He said our friendship would just fine

As tinder for his girl and a spark for mine.

--The Right Reverend Charles Bartholomeo Limperbotham.

 

FRIVOLOUS, adj.  Gravely addressing the threat from ring-around-the-rosie to a nation’s youth.

FROCK, n.  A Frown.

FROLIC, v.i. To vote.

FROM, prep.  In the direction of similar error.

FRONT, n.  The point of contact between an invisible enemy and a televised hero.

FRONTAL, adj.  1.  Baring the front to turned backs.  2.  Sideways.

FRYING PAN, n.  A cast iron critic of the pot and the kettle.

FUNCTIONARY, n.  A mechanic general charged to oil the civic machinery with ink.

FURRY, adj.  Overdressed for the beach.  Well-suited for the company of wolves.

FURY, n.  An avenging monster of the ancient Greeks who punishes crimes beyond reach of human justice.  In contemporary Christendom, still typically female.