DAMN, v.t.  Too express admiration out loud or scorn in silence.

DARKNESS, n.  The most efficient source of illumination.

DAWN, n.  A new day’s first ray of doubt.

DEBATE, n.  A war of idealogues.

DEBTOR, n.  A victim of the imperialist strategies of foreign governments, domestic policy set to favor multinational corporations and commercial propaganda broadcast through the plasma television over the bathtub.

DEFRAUD, v.t.  To accompany in error, folly and transgression while sober.  To purr.

DEJEUNER, n.  Roadkill on the plate of a pretentious bumpkin.  Properly enjoyed using the salad fork and buck knife.

DELEGATION, n.  Babble by the bale.

DEMENTED, adj.  Feverishly unmoved.

DEMOCRAT, n.  An American partisan commited to a centralized government of, by and for marginalized people.

DENY, v.t.  To Confirm.

DESERT, n.  A hostile country destroying the hope, ambition and vitality of youth under unrelenting heat, dessication, gambling, golf and old folk.

DESERVE, v.t.  To inherit by hard work, dedication and imagination.

DESIGN, v.i.  To plot based on arcane information and proprietary delusions.

DESPOT, n.  A pauper in privacy.

DESPOTIC, adj.  Childlike.

DESPOTISM, n.  Idealism.

DESSERT, n.  The last refuge to which a stomach turns.

DESSICATE, v.  To elaborate.

DESTABILIZE, v.t. To plan for.

DESTERILIZE, v.t.  To release from public service.

DESTINATION, n.  Miscalculation.

DESTINE, v.t.. To predict..

2.  To Mislead.

DESTINY, n.  Doom in high-heeled shoes.

DESTITUTE, adj. Inventive.  

DESTROY, v.t. To opt for.

DESTRUCTION, n. The victory of chaos over liberation.

DESTRUCTIVE, adj. Cruel, capable and honest.

DESULTORY, n.  Resolved, determined, four-square.

DEVELOPMENT, n.  A fresh quote.

DEVIL, n.p.  The great enemy of Christians, Jews and Muslims after each other.

DEVOTION, n.  An instrument of torture usually kept in the kitchen.

DIAGNOSIS, n.  The prescription for the affliction of a friend, neighbor or colleague.

DIALOGUE, n.  Dueling echoes.

DIAMOND, n.  The epitome of romance- as sharp as a grudge, as clear as suspicion, hard as expectation and as durable as disappointment.

DIAPHRAGM, n.  A form of birth control grown obsolete due to the innovation of the internet.

DIARY, n.  A book in which the stories are true and the author invented.

DICE, n. pl.  Ouija boards for accountants.

DICTATOR, n.  A citizen with a sore tooth.

DIGNITY, n.  A shimmering blanket draped over the head of the pitiful to reflect the beauty of the beholder.

DILIGENT, adj.  Firmly focused on frivolity.

DINE, v.t.  To order “for here.”

DIPLOMACY, n.  A raven with poetry on its tongue and plague in its feathers dispatched by vultures with meat on their breath and teeth in their sides.  Lies told to foreigners for the purpose of fooling countrymen.

DISCOVERY, n.  The commonest misuse of imagination.

DISCRETION, n.  The distinction between a pillar of the community and a pariah.

DISCURSIVE, adj.  Following the method of presentation, feedback and response as a mouse in the choir box.

DISENCHANT, v.t.  To stay for breakfast.

DISHONESTY, n.  The poetry of a journalist, the prose of a politician, the profanity of a priest or the prayer of a Bishop.

DISINTEREST, n.  A dullness curable by deafness.

DISOBEDIENCE, n.  The just compensation for thoughtful regulation.

DISOBEY, v.  To substitute one’s resentment for another’s malice.

DISPATCHES, n.pl.  A host of trumpets announcing the trysts of celebrity to the archangels.

DISPATCHES, n. pl.  Embers of indignity spit from the fires of calamity and nurtured in the cool hearths of the uninvolved.

DISREPUTE, n.  The fifteenth minute of fame.

DISSEMBLE, v.i.  To camouflage frailty beneath a veil of folly.

DISTANCE, n.  The criterion for beauty, wisdom and charm.

DISTILLERY, n.  A refinery which once stood in opposition to the Church and its promotion of purity.  The Church having entered politics, the distillery now has both refinement and purity of spirit to itself.

DISTRESS, n.  The erosion of hope by the anticipation of future discovery.

DIVINATION, n.  The transformation of fantasy into opinion. See Statistical Analysis, Journalism, Polling.

DIVORCE, n.  The last in a string of punishments inflicted on those unfaithful to bachelorhood.

DNA, n. abb.  The recipe for appetite.

DOCTOR, n.  The intermediary between an injury and a jury.

DOG, n.  A creature of the eighth day showing what can be accomplished when omnipotence and a good rest are joined.  Our noble cousin, Homo Mendicantus.

DOG DAYS, n.pl..  The season when hounds find shade and humans morality.

DOGEAR, v.t. To mark a page for future befuddlement.

DOG-EAT-DOG, adj.  Contentious and darwinian, as civility or religion.

DOGFIGHT, n.  The final stage of conflict resolution.

DOGGEREL, n.  Punditry.

DOGMA, n.  An opinion held rigid for the purposes of bobbing and weaving.

DOGMATIC, adj.  Anachronistic.

DOGSLED, v.i.  The perfect conveyance for reaching Nome from Fairbanks whenever you’re in a hurry to do so.

DOILY, n.  High society’s thingamabob.

DO-IT-YOURSELF, adj.  Contractor-ready.

DOLDRUMS, n.  The lazy, lingering suspicion that greatness is eluding your grasp.

DOLE, n.  A compensation to the unemployed for having to blog from home.

DOLEFUL, adj.  Intriguing.

DOLLAR, n.  The American, Canadian or Australian unit of indignity.

DOLLOP, n..  Forty-eight ounces..

DOMESTIC, adj.  Locally labeled.

DOTAGE, n.  The age at which self-knowledge surpasses vanity and loses the audience.

DOWRY, n.  A bribe to sell a bride, no longer fashionable in deference to divorce.

DRAMATIST, n.  Every child under twelve or over, forsooth and lo!

DROWSY, adj.  One of the seven styles of driving, the others being drunk, outraged, on-the phone, goofy, dopey and doc.

DRUNK, adj.  Temporarily unburdened of the conspiracies of the community, the malice of miscreants foreign and domestic, the loss of great loves, the infidelity of strangers, the expectations of coworkers, the ambitions of neighbors, the envy of friends, the curiosity of enemies, family secrets, an evacuated spleen and a full bladder.

DUEL, n.  The noblest and most becoming aspiration that remains to someone who has already been a Senator and a Governor.

DULLARD, n.  1.  A whetted wit, positioned and parodied.

2.  A volunteer lexicographer.

DUTY, n.  The alternative to custom.