What really matters- Emerging sense of “self” and “other”- I began to notice the awakening of Whit’s mental life and what seemed to be more internal thoughts around 9 months. The research clued me into the fact that they are just beginning to have a sense of “self” and a theory of mind about the “other”. Believe it or not, young babies have no idea that they are a distinct person or entity. In the beginning they do not even know that the hand that whizzed by their eyes is actually their own hand, connected to them. They have no concept of “me”.

In this stage, however, two important discoveries are made. Whit begins to realize that the mental images, memories, feelings or thoughts that arise in her head belong to her, they’re private and they are not visible to others.

Second, she discovers it is possible to share that “mental mindscape” with someone else through attempts to communicate it.

These are huge developmental leaps that form the basis for the conception of a integrated “me” and a separate “you” with the ability to read her own and others minds. She starts to understand the difference between an external present sensation of the here and now such as sight of an object and an internal past sensation and memory of that object-- to actually distinguish memories from sensations. Memories feel different than sensations; they are less vivid. Memories are private and belong to me.

Along with this, she is developing her working memory to divide her attention and hold these different items in mind. She can divide her attention between the memory and the real object, between an image of “me” and “it”  or me and “you”. She now realizes the memory is hers and is private and that she has the ability to gain someone’s attention and share with them the memory or object of attention. She better uses working memory and divided attention to hold an image in mind and at the same time grunt, point and act to get your attention. It is important to control and monitor the attention of the other person. Whit has to split her attention among several channels, often going back and forth rapidly between them in working memory.

How to put it into practice-

Tuning In:

It was hard to tell exactly when Whit made these discoveries. They seemed to evolve slowly instead of in one A-Ha! moment. But little signs were there. When I was on the floor playing but also drinking water, she would stare at the water and then turn her head and stare at me as if to say “hey how bout me. I want a sip.” After I gave her one sip and started playing again she would repeat the process making it clear she wanted more water. (see video example on right)

Extending/ Nurturing:

-Signal that you understand her cues- For example, when I saw Whit look at the glass of water, then look at me, I said: “Oh would you like a sip of my water (I made water sign/gesture) and then gave her the glass”.

-Find opportunities for “Shared Attention”. For example if an airplane goes flying over head, it is a great opportunity for both of you to share the experience and reveal that you have similar things in mind: “Do you hear that, vrrooom, that is the airplane up there” and point at it, even make an airplane sign with your hands or body. Joint attention develops in a critical social learning instrument; it is the cognitive foundation for pedagogy (teaching & learning)

-Using Baby Signs/Signing- Baby signs are a great method to communicate before their words come with oral control. Start with a few very practical signs such as “milk/drink”, “change diaper”, “eat” and “more”. Repeat these consistently until she starts using them.

-Repeat her protowords for things- If you listen carefully you should notice that a certain grunt refers to a specific toy, place or event. Use these proto words whenever you identify them.

-Support integrated sense of self- Remember a babies sense of who they are is based on her inner wishes, desires and intentions. She experiences these as a variety of inner feelings that she eventually identifies as “me”. Your role is to help her realize that these fragmented emotions form a more integrated sense of self. Her angry self and her contented self are two parts of the same whole.