What really matters- Managing Emotional Rollercoasters- At one moment Whitney may be feeling mastery at what she can accomplish and a few moments later she may be feeling emotionally fragile at a challenge and may simply melt down.  For example, see the video of Whit playing with a shape sorter (click vid on right). After one moment of fitting them in, the impatience with not getting the shape to fit and fall in, sets off a quick bout of frustration, throwing and feet stomping.

The complexity of balancing the emergence of moods, the increased desire to be independent from you and the complexity of new developmental challenges help to set the backdrop for these emotional swings.  Moving out into the world and establishing an individual sense can be a challenging and even a bit deflating. This is a time when our toddlers will need our patience, support, and firmness. 

How to put it into practice-

Tuning In-  We looked for opportunities to delight with Whitney over her achievements.  We also watched for signs when Whitney was tired, stressed, or otherwise starting to melt-down.  Sometimes we could avoid a melt down before it happened. In the shape sorting example (video) mentioned above, I could intervene right before the challenge got to frustrating and help her find the right hole. However, it can be especially hard when what she wants is not something you can give her or let her do. Melting-down often happens in response to a parental request and it is simply a normal part of this stage of development.

Bridging-  A great way to put a spin on these emotional swings is to view them as great teachable moments when you can lay the foundations of your child’s ability to manage her emotions. To repeat the list of emotional coaching strategies:

- Empathize with your child: show and say, “I understand”

- Help your child name the feeling- use statements like "I can see you feel sad about that"

- Acknowledge and validate their feelings: Say, “I know it is really frustrating when ...”

- Solicit their problem-solving: say, "I know you're really upset because you could not get that shape into the hole, but you can't throw the block at dada”. Early on show or give her options; “perhaps we can put this game away and play with this big ball”. Over time your child will come up with their own ideas.

- Provide a model of calmness: check your emotions; be in control and say, “It upsets me when you do that” rather than yelling  “Your driving me nuts”.

Frequently they are too far gone for any emotional coaching; what they really need is a sustained hug and to know that it's okay to be a separate self.  In time, our toddlers will resolve the emotional tasks more effectively on their own and grow more robust in their ability to manage.