Narshe’s Blog

Converge, Diverge

Sun, 4 Nov 2007 22:31:10 +0000

Firstly, a belated Happy Halloween to any regular readers... all, what, two of you? Thanks for visiting, and thanks for taking the time to read my dribbling waffle. I love getting my thoughts out there on “paper” and it means a lot that people are bothering to read them. Hurrah! I must apologise for the length of time between entries, however. I’ll try and be better from now on. Possibly.

Right. I’m going to return to a topic I once discussed back on SLProfiles in my blog there - the subject of real-life parallels and divergences from “reality” in the world of Second Life. It’s a subject I find particularly interesting, particularly coming from what I consider to be a somewhat socially “dysfunctional” background.

And what do I mean by that, I hear you ask. Basically, I have something of a phobia of social situations in “the real world”, particularly if there are strangers involved. I think I mentioned this back in my entry about my experiences at Club Crobar. But the fact is, in First Life, this is a monumental pain in the backside, particularly when you find yourself wanting for friends or companionship. While I was at university, I found the whole experience of “going out” to be enormously uncomfortable, particularly with the pressure here in the UK on twentysomethings to conform to a stereotype - drunk, promiscuous and loud. Okay, perhaps that’s an exaggeration, but that’s always the way it’s felt to me, and I’ve never felt comfortable with that, probably because I never felt particularly confident in myself.

I digress. The fact was, I found “going out” with the friends I had somehow managed to make a rather uncomfortable experience, with many nights out ending up with me simply sneaking off when no-one was looking. The fact that very often no-one seemed to be concerned by this didn’t help my self-confidence.

On the few occasions that I went out and something did happen - something funny, or I met a girl, or anything like that, I would be filled with absolute euphoria for a while - great happiness that someone had bothered to notice me. More often than not, this feeling was not reciprocated in the same amount so I ended up setting myself up for quite a few falls, which again didn’t help my self-confidence.

And so it was this person described above that came to Second Life in the form of Narshe Talbot. I saw Second Life as an opportunity to be the person I couldn’t be in real life. I have always felt more comfortable expressing myself through the written word, and as such had often managed to make many good friends via various Internet sites and online games. Second Life looked like it might have the potential to do the same.

But what happened? I wandered into a random bar in SL and found myself doing exactly the same as I did in real life. I’d stand in a corner and watch, not really talking to anyone. Everyone else, in return, would ignore me. This was not what I was hoping for, and so I decided to take steps. In a world as vast as SL, I figured, I would be less likely to accidentally run into someone I’d embarrassed myself with before - and even then, I could mute them if they started being “mean” - a luxury we sadly don’t have the pleasure of in real life.

And so it was that I began attempting to strike up conversations with new people. After an admittedly shaky start of not really knowing what to talk about with people (the main factor that stops me from making “small talk” in RL) I eventually picked up on the fact that most people were simply engaging in light banter, discussing the surroundings or anything that happened to pop into their head. Over time, this became easier, though I still find “new” places and “new” people a little intimidating, as I described in my entry about Crobar.

Second Life also has a number of advantages over real life for people like me when it comes to communication, and these are some things that I discussed back in that original blog entry that I mentioned earlier.

Firstly, you never suffer the embarrassment of forgetting someone’s name, as their name is always clearly indicated in large, friendly letters above their head. This is a Good Thing, as I find few things more embarrassing then spending three hours talking to someone and getting along famously with them then forgetting their name partway through the conversation.

The second thing I found pretty interesting was how much people love to be complimented. I’m sure people in real life love to be complimented too, but I always wonder whether or not a simple compliment will be interpreted as a pervy come-on. In SL, where avatar design is a full-time job for some Residents, everyone loves to hear other people appreciating their flexi-prim hair, or their bling jewelry, or their bold new look. Perhaps it’s the same in RL, but I’ve never felt the ability to do this to “real” people - which is a shame, really, isn’t it?

I think the most interesting thing though is to take a look at that Friends List, and specifically the people you regularly talk to rather than people who have just been added for “convenience’s sake”, and try to remember exactly how you met those people in the first place. Very often, these meetings are lost in the depths of time, and in many cases it doesn’t matter, as friendships blossom and bloom all the time, and sometimes wither and die, too. Fortunately for me, all the people I would consider to be “close friends” on SL have remained just that for my whole time on the grid - even during a lengthy absence - and over time, I have made new friends and had all manner of great experiences with them.

I won’t embarrass said friends by listing them here (besides, I’d probably forget someone and upset them, leading to aforementioned wither-and-die scenario) but suffice it to say that, whatever you may think of the virtual world as a whole, by far the greatest thing about it is its people.

Welcoming Kittie

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 17:40:44 +0100

My real-life significant other, the long-suffering Jane, joined Second Life last night. This is something she’s been interested in for a while, but since we only had one computer that was capable of running SL at a time, it was never possible for us to explore together, and she was keen to get involved only when I’d be able to show her around and “teach her the ropes”, as it were.

This week, we finally got a new MacBook as well as my big fancy-pants iMac - more to the point, a MacBook that is capable of running Second Life. So yesterday, Kittie Morales was born into the grid, kicking and screaming. Well, maybe not kicking, but there was certainly some screaming on both our parts when we couldn’t work out why her animation overrides and hug attachments weren’t working. Priorities, priorities - she didn’t want to be seen with the default “duck walk”, and who can blame her? Fortunately, a helpful soul on Help Island Public gave us some ideas and I’m happy to say that Kittie now walks with a certain breezy, casual air that looks much more pleasant than the “I’ve got a sharp stick up my bottom” walk that Linden see fit to provide us with when we are first born.

I have to say that exploring SL with a RL companion is a very different experience. It was great fun introducing Kittie to my friends, and going to visit people as a “couple” was a really nice feeling. We went to visit one of my friends - the very sweet and lovely Scepter - and had a tour of her house and her wedding venues. There was no pressure to “do anything” - it was simply a pleasant social occasion, which is a big part of what SL is all about, of course.

I know I’m stoked that Kittie had a good time in her first night on SL. A big thank you to everyone who made her feel welcome - she’ll be back!

Flick, Flick, Flickr

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 18:35:04 +0100

A short entry for the moment.

I’ve joined Flickr, which is one of those sites everyone’s always talking about but I’d never looked into. The last one of those I joined was Facebook, which has proven to be a superb waste of time when there’s nothing better to do, and also a good place to catch up with old friends. Before that there was, of course, SLProfiles, which I still frequent and is one of the many places I post my many photos.

Flickr is specifically designed for posting photos and sharing them with other people, and as such it’s a great place to meet other SL photographers to share tips, tricks and their favourite photos. It’s well worth checking out.

Mac users will also be delighted to know that Flickr users’ photo feeds can be subscribed to using iPhoto, enabling you to keep up to date with your friends’ pics at the click of a button. Which is, you know, nice.

Relax, and have a good time

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 22:35:32 +0100

One of the most intriguing things in my experiences in SL is, as you might expect, the experience of meeting new people, and the sheer diversity of people you meet. Along these same lines, the fact that SL offers you the freedom to “be who you want to be” gives many people the opportunity to open up in a social situation in a manner in which they would rarely feel comfortable with in real life.

A couple of entries ago, I mentioned my experiences at Club Crobar, an environment that I would have felt enormously uncomfortable with in real life, and felt distinctly out of place in in Second Life... that is, until I took that first step, said something (along the lines of “/me feels rather out of his depth”!) and from that point on, was welcomed into the group with open arms, and open... well, anyway.

I’ve since been chatting with a couple of people I met on that first night at Crobar - one lovely young lady named Deipara in particular - and it’s interesting the things you discover. My first encounter with Deipara was while she was poledancing for the Crobar patrons and gradually losing her clothes in exchange for the generous tips that the audience - both male and female - were throwing her. The chat was distinctly steamy but once I got over that first “icebreaking” moment it became easier to join in with the fun, though not in an overtly pervy or oversexualised way, I hasten to add - I am in a very happy RL relationship, after all!

After tonight’s event at Crobar (which is actually this morning’s event in SL time... the wonders of being in the UK) Deipara and I got to dancing and chatting. While she was still the cheeky girl who had been poledancing a moment earlier, taking the time to talk to her alone showed me that this was a person I was very much on the same page as on a personal level and in terms of attitudes towards things. Discussion came around, as it does, to SL itself and the different ways that people interpret it - some people treat it as exactly what it says - a second life - and keep it completely separate from their real life. I know I couldn’t do that, as these are real people I’m dealing with and also anything I do that I might regret in the virtual world could easily spill over into the real world. Some people use their avatars to hide behind, and in a way, that’s a little sad - to feel you have to hide yourself away behind a collection of prims. Me? I like to think that Narshe is “the real me”, or the “me I’d like to be”. I have my personality, but I’m more confident. I can talk to strangers. I can go out and have a good time rather than ending up bored and frustrated with the people around me. In short, I can do all the things that are maybe that little bit more difficult in real life, for a variety of reasons.

So if you meet me in-world, what you see is what you get. Hopefully you’ll like what you see, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t. The world is full of diversity, and that’s not just to do with race, gender, sexuality and all the other usual things that are used to “divide” people into the categories on Equal Opportunities forms. Everyone’s different, and it’s important to remember that. It means that the moments you find people you bond with are moments to treasure - because, when you think about it, what are the chances of finding someone like that in the billions of other people out there?

Friendship

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 22:59:27 +0100

Just a short entry tonight, as I’m tired.

Friendship doubles your joys and divides your sorrows. I can’t remember where I found that quote, but it’s certainly one I like very much - that along with “friends are the family you choose for yourself”. As cheesy greeting-card as they might be, they’re also very true. I know I certainly find SL to be a place to relax, unwind and offload the contents of my brain onto unsuspecting friends... many of whom I’ve never met face to face and probably am not likely to, either.

This entry is a short, simple “thank you” to anyone who’s bothered to listen to me rant on about anything, and all those people who are there night after night to be a friend.

You rock. :)

Crobar Sexy VIP

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 22:24:06 +0100

I had a proper SL “night out” tonight at Club Crobar - I finally made it to one of the events that I’m always getting Group Notices for. Tonight, it was Party in Red... an opportunity to dress up in red things with the possibility for winning a cash prize at the end of the event. So far so good... nothing I wasn’t expecting from a typical night out.

However, once I got there, I started to get a true feel for the “adult” nature of Crobar. The chat was already somewhat steamy, and a number of the outfits even more so... not to mention the sexy dancer gradually losing her clothes as the tips rolled in, with both men and women hollering encouragement at her, and her loving the attention. Crobar isn’t a sex club or a strip club by any stretch of the imagination, but these were people who were comfortable in themselves and confident enough to be rather forthright about many things!

When I walked in to all this, I felt enormously uncomfortable, because this is not the sort of situation I generally find myself in on a daily basis. These people obviously knew each other well already, and to walk in on something like that, where there was plenty of innuendo (and more than a little outright filth, it must be said) is somewhat intimidating, particularly for a shy boy such as myself!

However, a short while in, several of the people at Crobar, including aforementioned sexy dancer, all “took me in” and, without any sort of feeling of pressure, encouraged me to join in with the fun. And you know what? It WAS fun. It was strangely liberating to be part of something that was so far outside my normal “comfort zone”, and by the end of the two hour event I felt almost like I’d been out for real, and that I’d made some actual friends - something that always makes me feel good.

This is one thing I love about the whole SL experience. I would never consider walking into a place like Crobar in RL, let alone joining in with the steamy repartee, but tonight I feel like the whole experience has helped me somewhat. Self-confidence is a difficult thing to build up, especially when you have had as many years as I have of convincing yourself that you’re not the sort of person people generally want to talk to, but it sure feels great when people bring you out of yourself.

Something new every day...

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 22:47:00 +0100

Cliché it may be, but it’s very often true. Tonight I learned some interesting things about some alternative, non-traditional wedding ceremonies from one very lovely friend who frequently officiates a huge variety of such ceremonies in SL. Hearing about non-traditional ceremonies such as a Gothic wedding, where the vows are recited over a goblet of wine and have much to do with the joining of two souls, or the Pagan/Wiccan handfasting ceremony, where not even death will break the bond between two people, makes you realise that there is, in fact, more to life than first appears - you just have to look for it.

It’s all too easy to look at your own lot and think “Is that it?” There’s so much more out there for the discovery, and a hell of a lot of it is extremely fascinating. You know what makes it all possible though? People.

Now in RL I’m not what I’d consider a “people person”. Sure, my daily job involves talking to lots of people, giving them advice and hopefully selling them some computers, but when it comes to a social situation I often clam up completely, with some little switch in my brain tripping and ordering me to sit down in a darkened corner and be quiet in case anyone notices me and thinks I’m weird.

If SL has taught me anything though, it’s that “weird” is entirely subjective. Some people will think you’re weird, no matter what you do. And at the opposite end of the spectrum, you’ll find people who understand you completely. And then sometimes you want to be with one particular type of friend, other times you want a completely different type of friend. The beauty of people is that, chances are, there is someone out there to suit every kind of “need” you might have. For every person that irritates the fuck out of you, there’s probably at least ten you’d like to get to know better. And some of them are probably thinking they should sit in a darkened corner and be quiet in case anyone thinks they’re weird. :)

Happy Snapping

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 23:32:58 +0100

Photography in SL is so much fun, and so easy to get into. In fact, one of the best things about it is that it actually teaches you some real-world photography skills - obviously nothing like those myriad settings and switches that photo pros have on their expensive cameras, but it certainly teaches you a thing or two about composition, and in my case, about retouching and creative editing. The picture you see above is just one example of many SL “photos” I have attacked with Photoshop in an attempt to learn how to use the program a little better.

My introduction to photography in SL is one of those things that has swirled away into the many memories I have of the world, but I do know that a very special friend in the world - one Kade Klata - had a lot to do with it. Over time, I’ve been developing my skills with Photoshop with a vague idea of possibly going into a virtual business in the world. As of now, I’ve not yet gone ahead with “the dream” - partly due to a lack of confidence and partly due to a lack of regular time to be able to commit to running an SL business - but it’s still something I’d love to do. Kade, on the other hand, has been building her reputation and now proudly displays much of her work in the Artists’ Village on Breeze - do be sure to check it out.

This brings a lot of interesting things up. One - SL is clearly a good resource for people wanting to learn things like Photoshop in some sort of context, rather than being confronted with an unfamiliar program and no real reason to learn to use it. Two - environments like SL and even Web 2.0 sites such as YouTube, MySpace and the like give anyone the opportunity to become an artist of some renown. Is this devaluing “art” as a concept? I don’t think so. I know I certainly don’t feel any less desire to get out there and do things that could be considered “artistic” - if anything, I feel MORE inspired to share my creations with the rest of the world - the “if they can do it, I’m sure I can” approach.

So I will. My photographs can be seen on SLProfiles.com, but watch this space for some of my work to be displayed on this site, too!

Publish, publish

Tue, 9 Oct 2007 21:34:18 +0100

In light of my earlier entry where I wrote about... well, about writing... I’ve taken it upon myself to start putting some of my creative writing up online for the world to enjoy and mock. Please feel free to check it out over at http://www.lucidreams.co.uk and do leave comments on the stories there!

Multiple Personalities

Tue, 9 Oct 2007 07:46:59 +0100

Second Life is fascinating to look at from a psychological and sociological viewpoint. Compared to “real life”, it offers an unparalleled opportunity to “be who you want to be” and even try out some new looks and personalities for yourself. Veterans can even find themselves playing several “roles” at once and, while this may not be the most honest thing in the world, many people find it extremely liberating.

I know I find the fact that I can have several conversations at once, each on wildly different topics and with wildly different characters, to be both fascinating and fun. In my real life I’m generally very shy around new people, so SL has been a great way for me to develop my self-confidence and figure out “who I really am”.

The beauty of SL is you can be who you want to be, when you want to be. There’s nothing stopping you from changing yourself at a moment’s notice depending on the situation you happen to be in - and the fact you can have conversations with other people from miles away through the Instant Message system means that you can quite feasibly be doing one thing and discussing something of an entirely different nature in IM. What those two things might be? I’ll leave that up to your sordid imagination... though it doesn’t necessarily have to be part of the more seedy underbelly of things.

A couple of nights ago, I was hanging out at my semi-regular nightspot Club Liberty with some friends. The conversation was its usual mix of banter, mild innuendo and comments on the music. At the same time, I was having an in-depth conversation with someone else via IM about how much modern “real world” society pissed me off (which could be a whole blog series by itself) and ways to “escape” that.

The subject of writing came up. As you may have already noticed, I like to write. Expressing myself in the written word is one of my favourite things to get my feelings “out there”, hence this blog. My friend Mylena pointed me in the direction of the website for one Alexandra Erin, a self-published “Internet author” who desperately wanted to escape full-time inanity and write full time. So she got her stuff out there on the Net and encouraged donations if people liked it, and it seems that she’s had some success with her projects - which is good, because they’re a great read. Tales of MU in particular, is well worth taking a look at.

The Internet is a marvellous thing, and it’s easy to forget that in an age where we all take it for granted. Can you imagine something like that happening even ten, fifteen years ago? The mind boggles, but you know what? It gives people the means to express themselves in a way that the world has never had before. And to me, that’s pretty damn cool.

Introductions are in order

Sun, 7 Oct 2007 19:43:15 +0100

Hello, hi, good evening, how are you? My name’s Narshe, which you’ll probably already know if you’re looking at this page. What you might not know is anything about me, and throughout the course of reading these pages, you’ll get the chance to get to know me, for better or worse.

So let’s start with the basics. We’ve done my name - my virtual world name, anyhow. My real name is Pete, but I’ve never been particularly fond of that name, hence the change of name in the virtual world. But why “Narshe”? Well, it’s a distinctly geeky reason, and so I’ll leave it at that, but suffice it to say that fans of Final Fantasy will know where the name came from. Plus I think it’s kind of cool.

At this point, I should probably explain what this “virtual world” business is all about. Many of you coming to this page will be well familiar with the world of Second Life but I’m sure there are just as many of you who are confused and bewildered. It’s difficult to do SL justice in just a few paragraphs, as it’s something that really needs to be experienced to be understood, but here goes.

Second Life is a virtual world - one based on the Internet, to be specific. The virtual world is designed, created and maintained by its residents, making it immediately different from other “massively multiplayer” titles such as World of Warcraft, where the worlds are designed by the... well, by the designers. The reason for this is that most “massively multiplayer” titles are written for one specific purpose, which is usually “kill monsters, sell loot”. Second Life, on the other hand, is written for no specific purpose, save to give its residents freedom - freedom of expression, freedom to explore, freedom to socialise... You get the picture.

So what do you “do”? Well, that’s the beauty. Anything you want. Me? I like to explore, socialise, take photographs and then play with said photographs in Photoshop. As a result, you’ll be seeing many of my photos throughout the course of this site. But there are other people out there who do other things - live music, DJing, virtual real estate, hosting events, education... and of course, the more sordid underbelly of things. Well, what did you expect? Give people freedom of “expression” and what do you think one of the first things to come up (no pun intended) will be...? I’ll leave that to your imagination.

Anyway, that’s enough for tonight’s entry. I hope that’s given you a brief introduction to me, myself and I. Throughout the following entries, you can be sure to hear about any interesting things I’ve done, places I’ve been and people I’ve met. For now, though, why not check it out for yourself? Click here to begin your journey, and do also consider signing up at SLProfiles.com as a great way to meet some new people!