I have been having discussions lately on blogging, trying to find the reason why people are so absorbed into this thing, and really it hovers around the idea of “self.”  At it’s core, blogging is just another way for the individual to feel bigger or “grander” than they really are; to have a sense of importance and that our ideas are not crazy.  Or, if they are crazy, to at least get a reaction from people.  On my blog central page, I ask people to subscribe and post comments even!  Now, don’t get me wrong, blogging has its good parts.  I think pure journalistic blogs are fascinating and wonderful, yet among all of the blogs I read save a select few, there are rarely any falling into this category.  Sure, we may post a blog about a new product or philosophical idea, but inevitably, we have to state our opinions on the matter or write in such a way as to get our point across (there are blogs, however, in which I like and I discuss those at the end). 

Personally, I think it is so selfish.  We beg people to comment, almost getting our validation from them, hoping that others will read and forward links to friends.  We try to “grow” the traffic to our sites by going to technorati or other like services.  Even places like twitter are all about the now and “what am I doing” at the present moment.  Why anyone cares, I just don’t know, but they do.  Why people read thoughts of other people is an all together different issue, one of importance, but that’s not what I am talking about.  But those who post are all generally about themselves, and with the growing number of blogs posted, become more and more narcissistic and insecure in their endeavors.  Harsh?  If you have a blog, are you honestly just trying to get your ideas out of you and that’s it?  As if some insatiable urge makes you, and once you do, you feel better?  I highly doubt that!  Then just delete them after you write them.  Others in ministry say it is for ministry.  Fine.  I am in ministry, yet it isn’t just for ministry; it turns into something different.  Unless of course you are much stronger than me and have never thought any of these thoughts...

Maybe I am alone in my selfishness, and all others who write blogs are about “others.”  But I realize, after I post my blogs, I am looking for people to read them and comment.  I want to know that I am important, I guess.  I hope that people follow me on twitter so that I am not lost in my life but “found” on the net.  It seems to me that a portion of my  existence of my emotional health is fluctuated by technology and the internet, because I have been so absorbed into it.  More than a matrix, it is a cacophony of thought and control, begging me to be heard.  And in peoples’ quests to be relevant and stay up to date on the latest technology, we often don’t stop and ask questions of why, but jump headlong into them.  Again, maybe I am the only one, but I have an eery feeling that I am not... 

And that’s why I haven’t been blogging a lot lately.  I can’t get away from the “me! me! me!” centrality of it all.  Why do I need people to read my words?  People may want to, and that’s fine, but MY motives are what’s bothering me.  I want bloggers everywhere to stop and think for a second.  Why do I need to have man validate my thoughts, fears, conclusions, and life?  My security should rest in God alone who can be found in the tears of my son, on a mountaintop, or anywhere I stop and love. 

There are blogs I will read now, however, and that’s the blogs about family, friends, and life.  It’s the blogs where I can know how to pray for people.  Blogs not telling me someone’s grand and never-heard-of-before thoughts, but ones showing me their little children growing up, fun trips the friends went on, and life lived in love.  I guess that’s what I will try to do with this website/blog, for I have done a horrible job updating people on our lives.  My thoughts I will save for God alone, writing it by hand in my journal and quiet times unless God releases me to do otherwise. 

Even this blog on selfishness is selfish, yet I guess I have to start somewhere.