No disrespect to my British chismosa counterparts, but it’s always seemed to me like the standard of beauty for British women is more flexible in the UK than it is in Hollywood.  

 

How else can you explain Elizabeth Hurley’s huge success as a model in that country?  She just isn’t that pretty.  If it hadn’t been for the Hugh Grant scandal and the Versace safety-pin dress, I’m fairly certain we wouldn’t even be talking about her today.

 

But here we are.  The big Hurley news is her reported engagement to Indian businessman and millionaire Arun Nayar.  All feelings of bewilderment about her fame aside, I’m happy for Liz.  Because at the end of the day, true chismosas support their scandalized sisters.  The moment that Hugh got caught with his pants down with that cheap Hollywood hooker, it behooved all women to join together in their estrogenized support for Liz as innocent victim.  It was a bit of a disappointment to see her take Hugh back, but haven’t we all made bad decisions?  I was willing to overlook it as a magnanimous gesture of forgiveness on her part.

 

As if the Hugh Grant incident wasn’t enough, she was publicly disgraced a second time when the father of her child (millionaire heir Stephen Bing) publicly declared his skepticism as to his paternity.  (Tests ultimately confirmed his paternity.)  And while you can’t feel too badly about a woman who has enough money to hire a whole pack of nannies, her comments about feeling lonely as a single mother do tug at the heartstrings.

 

Which brings us to the present day engagement.  On the one hand, I’m thrilled that Liz will finally be able to fulfill her dream of marriage and dual-parenthood.  (She has talked about her desire to have a second child with Arun.)  I’m equally happy for Arun who has been trying to divorce his first wife for years, on the grounds of her “mental torture” of him.  (?)  On the other hand, there are big warning signs that the Liz and Arun marriage will be troubled from the start.  Throughout their relationship, this couple has battled about where to live.  He wants to be in Bombay to oversee his businesses.  Liz, however, is reportedly adamant that her son be educated in the UK.  And even if she were willing to overlook the schooling thing, there’s the fundamental “allergy” problem.  According to Liz, she is physically unable to spend any sustained amount of time in India.  She becomes violently ill when she visits the country and claims to be allergic to its water and food.  Indeed, she refuses to let Indian water even touch her lips so that she showers with a flannel cloth over her mouth. (!)

 

I’m sure that Arun and Liz will give the bi-cultural thing their best shot for a time, but 9 out of 10 dentists agree that allergic reactions to a spouse’s home country and culture (however real or imagined) don’t lend themselves to a happy home life.  I mean, Nicole Kidman, bless her heart, is giving it her best shot in Tennessee.  But don’t we all know that at some point she’s going to wake up and realize that she’s in Nashville for god sakes, and shopping at Target?!  (No disrespect to Target or to Nashville which is a very fine place, but this is Nicole Kidman we’re talking about.)  

 

At this point, it’s unclear how or whether Arun and Liz have resolved the country issue.  I suspect they’ll do some combination of living in the UK and in India, and with millions of dollars between them, I’m sure they can work out a compromise in the form of a reverse osmosis water filtration system.