i have had a rough night. i hate to end the day feeling like a failure as a mom. but that is exactly what i have done...

 

scott is away for a week and it is seriously rocking my world. it seems i am incapable of getting all three kids up, dressed, fed, entertained, bathed, and put back to bed again without major drama and at least one person shedding tears.

 

sweet grant is a treasure, but it is ever so hard to get all the above done when i spend about 6 or 7 hours of my day just getting him fed and changed.

 

the trouble began, probably, last night. i let the girls stay up late to watch a movie and so today they are both pooped. (it probably didn’t help that they were up by 6:30 this morning!) last night i also mentioned that maybe they could have a sleepover with me in my bed tonight. (they wanted to last night but there was enough going on last night that i said maybe we could postpone it.) lexi has a mind like a steel trap, so she definitely remembered tonight. bummer...

 

it was a bummer because, as much as i wanted to go to bed at 8:00, when that hour arrived, we had not done our Bible story, gone over our Bible verses, or said our prayers. grant had still not finished eating and he still had to have his late-night feeding as well. the house was a nightmare of C-R-A-P strewn everywhere. and i still needed to pump some milk for a bottle.  

 

all this, and lexi is asking for a sleepover. i tried to explain to her that mommy had a gagillion things that had to be done and couldn’t wait until tomorrow, hoping to postpone this sleepover until scott returned home because he could assist me in doing stuff so that i would be free to go to bed extra early one night.

 

but lexi was tired and when she’s tired she’s not terribly inclined to be understanding.

 

sadly, when i’m tired, i’m not terribly inclined to be patient... or understanding... or soft-spoken in my words...

 

so we had our sleepover, but my mood ripped all possible fun from the event because i was stressed out and irritated. our compromise was that i put them in my bed and laid down with them until lexi fell asleep. (it takes emily too long -- i don’t have that kind of time to wait around!!) but as i said, it could’ve been fun if i had been a grown-up adult about it and stopped being childish. but i chose instead to be sulky and ill, thus robbing us of the fun moment.

 

and as we all said our prayers together, i began to cry. and lexi cried. we discussed how all of us miss daddy, but that didn’t seem to help. thankfully, about 5 minutes later, lexi was snoring, so a need for rest was obviously part of our problem.

 

but not all of our problem. clearly, i need to find a way to juggle things more effectively. or manage time better. i also obviously need to be a bit better at getting over things and not being such a child when i’m frustrated. i just get on the level of my kids and act like i’m one of them instead of being the adult and acting the part of said adult!

 

i dropped the ball on that one this evening. perhaps i’ll do a bit better tomorrow. for tonight, i suppose i’ll go to bed feeling guilty. but at least my bed is filled with two little girls to snuggle up next to! so i’ll hug their soft bodies and pray that God will help me be a better mom tomorrow.