baby love
my little man is now 2 weeks old. he couldn’t be any cuter. and i can’t stop looking at him and smiling. sometimes i look at him and it makes me get all teary-eyed.
after all, he’s just a few days shy of being the age emily was when scott left for iraq. those days were so chaotic and stress-filled. and now i have little grant and my life is so different.
i sit for hours each day nursing him and holding him, jiggling him every few minutes to keep him awake. i have never had a child who would nurse and i am thoroughly enjoying this opportunity to bond with my little baby boy. as much as it hurt during those first days, and as much as i wanted to throw in the towel at times, there is something so special about sitting for hours on end each day just holding my baby and enjoying the sound of him. the feel of him. the smell of him.
a couple years ago, i couldn’t have done this. there was too much to do. too much to think about. too much to take care of. too much on my to-do list. too many things vying for my time and attention in addition to my baby girl.
i didn’t HAVE hours to sit and hold, listen to, feel, or smell a baby. time was a precious commodity and there was always too little of it.
ditto for patience. and quiet. and calm moments.
but now, with this baby, i feel like i finally get to enjoy my baby again. to enjoy him like i enjoyed lexi. to treasure each moment, storing them up in my heart and mind the way i did with my first child.
poor emily got shafted in so many ways, the first of which were moments like these which i spend with grant. i think because i missed them with her, i am all the more anxious NOT to miss them with him -- just as scott is anxious to enjoy every moment of grant’s babyhood because he was absent for all of emily’s.
and so i sit and look into his little eyes as they gaze up at me. or i stare into his face as he sleeps contentedly in my arms. or i put him in the crook of my neck and just listen to him breathe. or i hold him close as he tests out his neck muscles and brushes his hungry lips against my cheek. i hold his tiny fingers in my own. i stroke his chubby cheeks. i play with his floppy little ears that seem to have no sign of cartilage! i squish his wrinkly skin. i squeeze his nearly non-existent fat rolls. i rub the hair on his tiny head.
i enjoy this baby to the fullest.
for once, i don’t seem to care that the laundry is falling behind or that his room is still decked out in pink and green. for once, i don’t mind that the kitchen counters are a bit strewn (i’m a cleaned-off counters, neat-freak kinda girl, after all!). for once, the stacks of stuff to go to goodwill don’t bother me. for once, i am capable of just enjoying the moment... i know from experience how these newborn baby moments are fast and fleeting!
with my last baby, i rushed through this time in a frenzied, semi-panic-filled way. i was all alone, insecure and uncertain... feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders... stressed beyond measure... in a constant state of upheaval... lonely... depressed... emotional...
fast forward 2+ years and i am a different mommy. i relish the moments spent with this baby in my arms. i don’t stress as much about “spoiling” him by holding him too much. i am less anal about his schedule. i don’t much mind the soreness i feel from feeding him all the time. i don’t resent how long it takes him to eat. i ignore household chores just to sit with him in my arms. and i enjoy my other children even more as a result because i chat with them and play games with them while i feed him.
life is just so different this time around. and for that, i am so so so so so so thankful!
scott is home. we are not new imports into this hometown of ours, so there are gillions of friends to share with us in our baby joy. i am not stressed in the least. life is calm and orderly and chilled out, and there is so much to be said for such normalcy.
it is so nice to have a chance to enjoy a little baby love. i’ve rather missed it...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
