Last Long Goodbye
There is nothing dignified
In watching someone you love die
I was told I was lucky
Having a chance to say goodbye
It’s the biggest of lies
You scrape by on
Autopilot, with little sleep
Your turn to do the night shift
Keep his head cool
Sponge his black tongue
Smiling he says “thanks love”
Relief, he still knows you
Dear God, how is that a good thing?
Hours drag by, coffee after coffee
Keeping yourself awake
So he knows you are there.
I watch as dawn breaks
Drive home window wide
While I was dreaming
A syringe driver pumps relief
He’s thrown his oxygen mask away
Accepting the end
I don’t panic I pretend
All the family there
Your three proudest moments
Beloved wife
We hold onto your last breath
Heartbreak
Bitterness
Anger.
We burned your body
None of us cried
You were murdered
By asbestos dust
Not for you that graceful old age
No chance to teach our children
The rules of good cricket
How to wrap their first school tie
How to live a good life
Not just scrape by
I don’t think I’ll ever be ready
To say that last long goodbye.
