Is it just me or is Christmas one of the most stressful times of the year? there is so much pressure to perform so many feats and acts. Not to mention that it feels like a huge deadline time since its the end of the year. Imagine if all your homework for the entire year was all due on one day. and that day is rapidly approaching in the next few days, and you are WAY behind. can you imagine that? are you there? welcome. I’ve been here a while. I have dropped the ball so many times in the past few weeks. I screwed up a leaders meeting, I missed countless important calls, i missed the art show i promised i would help with, I missed a deadline for Repossessed, I missed numerous wrestling practices and matches, I haven't worked for a single moment on a project for a friend that he needs soon, and I think i might just screw up a whole bunch more before the end of the year.

 

I think i place too much in the opinions of others. I know that God loves me a buch, but i constantly find myself seeking the approval of others around me. And if I mess up, i feel like it is not just a poor mark against me, but a mark against the God i serve. I feel people may think during His creation of me He didn't make me strong enough or good enough at a certain task.

 

and to make matters worse, when i read what i write here, i get discusted with myself. why am i feeling so bad about such little stupid things. people are dying of starvation and students downtown are out in the cold. i am typing in a heated office on a nice computer with a cup of warm goodness. I have it pretty good; not perfect, but good. In the larger scope of things i am not really doing as bad as i feel, So i look at my feelings of inadiqucy and frustration and they seem so stupid against the backdrop of the troubles of the world and i find myself feeling upset at myself for even starting to complain.

 

maybe i need to shut up.

maybe i should just suck it up.

maybe i should stop being such a sissy la-la.

maybe i should just sleep for the rest of this month.