?

These two pictures were taken back in 1997 by the same photographer about two hours apart.

And yes, they are both of me.

This is the first time I have ever published a pre-transition picture of myself.

My legal name was Allen Tomlinson.

When “en femme” I went by Alexandra Angel.

Sharing all of that feels quite uncomfortable! It makes me feel exposed and vulnerable!

That’s actually quite interesting because, as I now openly expose my complete male history, it feels very much the same as when I formerly hid my desires to become feminine.

The more things change, the more they stay the same...

But since I want this website to be authentic and meaningful, I thought I should move into that “feeling place” where all growth occurs. If this site is to become a resource for GID education, introspection, and inspiration, I am committed to sharing everything from my past that I feel could possibly be relevant to those who are still struggling.

There are already numerous clinical, medical, and psychological GID resources on the web. As a result, I am not going to directly address the standards of care regarding diagnosis and treatment. Instead, I am going to share the human side of my experience.

What you are going to see in this section is a collection of writings and photographs from 1996-1999. As I have stated elsewhere on this site, these writings have the perspective of being written by a gender-conflicted, married, heterosexual, crossdressing man living in Denver. (As opposed to my current perspective, as a confident and mature lesbian woman living in the San Francisco bay area of northern California) However, that change in perspective does not necessarily alter the historical relevance or possibility of these writings being helpful to others.

I am also going to re-publish these writings essentially unedited. This is extremely difficult for me since my current-day perspective is so dramatically different. Now as I re-read them, I consistently feel the need to rewrite, edit, modify, soften, feminize or otherwise change them to fit my current model.

My fear is that if I publish writings from nearly a decade ago, somehow people will assume that is how I still feel. It has been said, “if you quote me, date me.” Please keep that in mind as you read my old writings and view the situations and settings for my old photos.

Secondly, I knew my life would change when I went on estrogen and began my true life expression as a woman. What I did not know was that my entire wordview would change. These changes are readily discernible in my current and future writings and are reflected in choice of topic, word usage, phraseology, and intention. Those writings are posted elsewhere on this site.

Send me an Email

Allen Tomlinson

Alexandra Angel